Flash Fiction: Unpacking

Boxes were scattered about the house, with music from the radio drifting between them. They weren’t the boxes Andrew had pictured unpacking on his birthday. But the job opportunity had been a chance he couldn’t pass up. He started tomorrow. The bedroom had already been unpacked, but he wanted to get the living room done before he went to bed so him and Beth had a space to unwind in. His head was pounding after the long day.

“You know, we could call it a night.” Beth wrapped her arms around him from behind, putting her chin on his shoulder. “I saw a cute ice cream place a few blocks away. It’s a beautiful night, let’s take a walk and get some. I bet they have Birthday Cake flavour.”

“I don’t know, I want to get this done before I head to bed. I gotta be up early.” Andrew turned to Beth, kissing her forehead.

Beth stuck her bottom lip out and gave him puppy dog eyes. “You’re no fun. It’s your birthday, you old stick in the mud. Let’s party!”

“Oh yeah? You, me and who out on the town?” Andrew teased.

“Nah, you only need two to party. How many we got?” She pointed at herself, then Andrew in an exaggerated fashion. “Looks like the right number.”

Andrew gave in, smiling. “Alright, let’s get ice cream.”

“Actually… I’ve got another craving now.” Beth arced her eyebrow salaciously. She reached past Andrew and turned up the radio. The song playing in the background was brought to the forefront.

We’re kiss to kiss,

And heart to heart,

And the music never stops,

Once the love starts…

We’ve got nothing but the radio on…

“C’mon, let’s play ‘Radio says’. It’s just like Simon says.” Beth led him to the bedroom.

Love You to Death

“If you wouldn’t struggle, this would go a lot easier.” I leaned back, examining the knots that held Zaura in place.

“If you let me go, this would also go a lot easier,” She retorted. “For me at least. I make no promises for you.”

I sighed in frustration at her response. If only she could understand the connection between us, how the poetry of the universe bound us. The way we balanced the world around us. But no, she was blinded by the shackles of society. Well that and the ones that I had physically placed on her.

“What do you want from me?” Zaura’s tone changed to one of forced curiosity. “Who even are you?”

“Me? I’m a simple man. A man who understands how things should be. That when things leave the world, it’s not the end. That life and death are a cycle, and that they bleed into each other. Much like love and hate.”

A look of horror dawned on her face. “You’re the necromancer! The letters sent with a human heart, the undead pony…” Her voice trailed off as she shuddered, “Did you really have to put the bouquet of baby’s breath in a vase made out of an infant’s lungs?”

“You don’t get it. This is destiny! Preordained, written in the stars! You bring life, growth, comfort to the people of the world. I am supposed to be right there with you, balancing the scales towards equality. The night to your radiant sunshine.” My voice rose, an excited heat rose in my cheeks.

“You’re mad.”

“I believe the term is love.”

Zaura didn’t respond. Her eyes didn’t fill with understanding like I pictured. She didn’t break down into tears of sorrow at not having seen it sooner. She didn’t beg me to make love to her right then and there. She sat. Silent. She was too attached to the world she clung to. It’s bright lights had blinded her to the point where she couldn’t see true love and passion when it was laid bare before her.

“Can I go?” Her voice wasn’t defeated, or scared. It was resolute, final. “I don’t love you back. I don’t want anything to do with you. I want you to leave me alone. I will let you live if you just let me go.”

“Zaura… This was never going to end in anything but us together.” My heart was heavy. I knew that it would be like I imagined. It just needed to take a different path now. The darker one, like I was made to travel.

I grabbed the chalk, and made the circle for the base of the resurrection spell around her chair. The incense came next, filling the darkened room with a cloying smoke. Finally I grabbed the ceremonial knife and the gold engagement band I had made for this joyous moment.

“Don’t worry,” I assured her as I turned to her. “I won’t cut you anywhere too visible. I want you to be presentable, my sweet.”

I raised the blade. For love.

Flash Fiction: Reflections

He saw himself in the window, and it stopped him short. Hair fell damply around his haggard face. Swollen lips with blood from his broken nose dried crimson. He should have let them steal the woman’s purse. Nothing had changed from him trying, but for the beating he took. His soul was heavy with his weakness. His uselessness. Past his reflection, he saw a lady staring at him. He turned away ashamed, continuing to trudge down the snowy street.

 

“Wait!” She called after him. “My aunt told me of how you put yourself in danger to help her! Come in and let me clean you up.”

 

He turned to her, and in her eyes his reflection was completely transformed. Not useless, but brave and caring. Unexpected pride swelled in his chest. He took her offered hand and followed her inside.

Mourning

“Tell me a story, Watcher!” Her eyes gleamed with hope as she leaned closer to the fire. “Tell me of a time from Before.”

The Watcher didn’t react to the request. He slowly stirred the embers, watching the sparks dance to their deaths in the dark. A few moments of hopeful silence died as it became an eternity of purposeful ignorance. The Watcher adjusted his coat and coughed uncomfortably.

“Don’t bother the Watcher, Eteri.” The mother of the girl who had asked for a story gave the Watcher an apologetic smile. “He doesn’t have to tell any stories tonight. He’s welcome just to share our fire.”

The Watcher gave a slow nod of thanks without looking to the mother. His eyes stayed focused on the embers. “I mourn for a world I will never see. I mourn for the Before.” His voice was smooth, an easy and light baritone. “So starts any story of those who watch. To watch is to see. To see is to learn. To learn is to not repeat.”

“I knew he’d tell a story,” Eteri whispered to her mother. “He’s a Watcher, that’s what they do.”

“Hush child,” her mother responded with a small smile. “Let him speak.”

“My father was a Watcher too. One of the first. He was born in the Before.” The Watcher’s eyes met Eteri’s. “He told me this story.”

“There was a creature called a monkey in the Before. It looked like man, but had a tail. It lived in the jungle, and swung from tree to tree. Monkey was endlessly curious and constantly wanting to learn more. Each day it woke with a question in its heart. Each day it would try to solve the question.

One day Monkey found the largest tree he had ever seen. It stretched high above the canopy of the jungle. The base was so big around it would take Monkey and two dozen of his brothers holding hands to circle the tree. Monkey knew he had to climb to the top to see how far he could see.

There was another creature at the base of the tree. He was Anteater. His mouth was long, and always trying to eat bugs from the dirt. Anteater saw Monkey looking up at the tree and knew no good would come from his curiosity.

‘You shouldn’t go up there. Look down here at the ground, there are many bugs to eat. Your day would be better down here with me, eating to your content.’ Anteater hoped that his words would sway Monkey.
But Monkey would not be dissuaded.

‘I have to see how far I can see from the top,’ He told Anteater. ’I have to go.’

Monkey started climbing, his nimble fingers easily finding holds. He climbed for an hour, till he was above all other trees in the jungle. There he found a creature called Viper. Viper had no arms or legs, but curled his body around a branch to stay where he was. Viper saw Monkey looking at the top of the tree lost in the clouds and knew no good would come from his curiosity.

‘You shouldn’t go up there. Stay with me and sun yourself on this branch. Your day would be better right here with me, warming your fur to your content.’ Viper hoped his words would sway Monkey.

But Monkey would not be dissuaded. 

‘I have to see how far I can see from the top,’ He told Viper. ‘I have to go.’

Above the trees Monkey could see for miles. The wind whipped at him, and he shivered in the breeze. The top of the tree called to him, so he kept climbing. Monkey climbed for two hours, till he could almost touch the bottoms of the clouds. There he found a creature called Bird. Bird could fly, and loved to soar above all other animals. But Bird knew that if Monkey kept going higher, no good would come from his curiosity.

‘You shouldn’t go up there. Stay here with me and kiss the clouds. Your day would be better right here with me, playing with the wind and the sunshine.’ Bird hoped his words would sway Monkey.

But Monkey would not be dissuaded.

‘I have to see how far I can see from the top,’ He told Bird. “I have to go.’

Soon Monkey reached the top. He was above all the clouds, the world just a grey fog beneath him. The sun glared down at him, and the wind pulled hard at him. Monkey struggled to hold on to the top of the tree. He was proud he had done this, but he was scared. A strong gust of wind caught him off guard.

Monkey fell.

Past Bird, past Viper, until he crashed to the ground beside Anteater. Monkey died from the fall. He died to answer his question, to find out how far he could see from the top.

So what is the lesson in this story?” The question was pointed at Eteri. She paused, caught off guard by the abrupt ending.

“We shouldn’t follow our curiosity? It leads to bad things… like the day the bombs happened.” Her voice became more sure as she responded, a hint of pride creeping into her tone as she finished. She smiled at her mother expectantly. Her mother nodded encouragement and rubbed her hand across Eteri’s back.

“I wish life was that clear cut.” The Watcher’s voice was gentle but rebuking. “Curiosity is not the evil, it is heedless searching that leads us to danger. If Monkey had stopped with any of the creatures that asked, he would have learned something new, and become better for it. But he pushed too far, and paid the price.”

“But…” Eteri trailed off as she thought through his words. “How will I know when I’m going too far?”

“That’s the thing about life. No consequence is clear until you’ve made the choice.” The Watcher’s smile was bittersweet, his eyes trailing back to the fire. “Search for the answer to the question in your heart. But know the answer may not be what you want.”

Pharaoh Fetish: Part 4

For a split second, my body refused to listen to any command I was giving it. I was just someone who wanted to be a mechanic. Peacefully adventure from system to system. Find someone who shared my interests and fall in love. I didn’t want to rush to my death early. But these random strangers who barely knew me were willing to risk their own lives in pursuit of a morality I had never faced before. I had to help.

My feet moved on their own accord, leaping multiple steps at a time. With coordination I’d never experienced, I scooped up a larger rifle from a corpse near the nose. The first set of guards I passed didn’t even register I was there, mouths agape at the battle above them. Letting them stare, I rushed into the main entrance.

Bedlam lay before me. There was a makeshift infirmary set up here, protecting the injured from the fighting upstairs. Dozens of men screamed in agony, limbs entirely gone. Most of what remained of the men’s bodies was black, burnt to a complete crisp. Medical staff was boiling large vats of what smelled like alcohol, using it to sterilize instruments before emergent procedures.

I kicked the first vat I came to onto the ground, boiling alcohol spraying everywhere as it bounced off the ground. The staff helping turned to me, reaching for guns on their waists as they realized that I wasn’t one of them. Quickly realizing that I didn’t know how to use the rifle, I knew rushing in was a mistake. With no other options, I threw the gun to the ground and grabbed a torch used to cauterize the worst of the wounds. It had a little button on it, and I pushed it rapidly, trying to cause sparks. Once it caught, it lobbed it onto the hot, steaming alcohol.

The room burst into flames. Fire danced up onto the beds, consuming the bodies of anyone it touched. The people aiming guns at me seemed to explode, their flesh turning black within seconds as they fell to the floor writhing in pain. Flames lunged at me, and as I jumped forward, some tried to feast on my shoes. 

Kicking off the burning shoes I ran past the makeshift infirmary. Ahead lay the staircase up to the second floor. It curved away from me, making it impossible to see what was waiting for me at the top. Faint blue lights on the upper wall danced in time to loud explosions up above. As I reached the staircase, I turned back to see most of the infirmary on fire, blocking the entrance. Stopping for that brief second let my body reassess itself, and discovered my lungs were raw from exertion.

Realizing what I had just done, weakness and dizziness crept in, weighing my body down. Climbing that flight was stairs was near impossible, but I forced each foot ahead. I needed to fight for my own life, not to mention Kleinit and Mr. Banana. I reached the top of the stairs to see another twenty men in combat with my former captives. They worked as a team, half of them hiding behind pillars in the hallway to reload while the others fired covering rounds.

I caught a glimpse of Kleinit and Mr. Banana through a splintered door at the end of the hallway. Kleinit’s face was contorted in pain, and Mr. Banana wore a manic grin while he emptied his clips into the hallway. But the two were up against too many at this point. Every time they pulled back to reload, the guards would move forward a few feet. The closest ones were now inches from the door. I pulled out the grenade. It was time to shine.

As the grenade flew from my hand, the guard farthest behind the others noticed I was there. The world slowed as I saw him try to warn the others, leaping as far away as he could. Unfortunately, his jump brought him right into line with Mr. Banana’s sightline. His shoulder and head erupted with a spray of red and he was dead before he hit the floor. Then my world was thrown upside down.

A wall of sound hit me, knocking my feet from beneath me. As they flew above me, I noticed a pillar fall onto four or so men. My arm hit the bannister on the stairs, changing to a grotesque angle with a silent thud. I landed, and felt the world continue to invert. Even when I felt the stairs stop moving beneath me, my head continued to swim in every direction. Laying still felt like a lie, but I couldn’t make sense of how to move myself any more, so I laid on the cold polished stone floor, hoping I had helped.

“Gods he’s got muscle on him.”

“Well obviously not in the arms, did you see how terribly he threw that grenade?”

“C’mon Mr. Banana, it was his first time. Cut him some slack.”

“Maybe if he wasn’t a moron, I wouldn’t have to.”

“At least he’s still alive.”

“Yeah but this arm looks like it’s hanging on by skin flaps. Can you take it easy Kleinit? It’s not easy to bind an injury this bad when you’re bouncing him around like a sack of potatoes.”

“Hard to do when I’m shooting and running.”

“Yeah yeah, doing your best and all that. Still not good enough. Like his throw.”

I realized my eyes were still open, and that I was staring at the floor. A few moments later, and more pieces of the puzzle came together. Slung over Kleinit’s back, I was bouncing as we climbed what seemed to be another set of stairs. Pain roared in my arm, and I forgot the puzzle pieces I had put together momentarily.

“He’s seriously all the way at the top? What an egomaniac this asshole is. I look forward to killing him. The money too. Mostly the money.”

“Shush, focusing.”

I felt myself move violently, causing pain to lance through my whole body, starting from my right arm. Blue light flitted across the floor, culminating in an explosion from somewhere I couldn’t quite see. A few screams that quickly stopped after another lance of blue light danced at the edge of my vision.

“You’ve gotta be running low. Do we need to stop and change batteries?”

“Soon, let’s finish this.”

“I really don’t want to say I told you so this time.”

“You won’t.”

I was placed gently to the ground in an upright position. Mr. Banana sat on my lap, his small hands stringing stitches through my arm. I saw muscle torn jagged in my forearm from my landing, and I managed to turn my head and vomit. I felt my shoulder be squeezed gently, and I looked up into Kleinit’s concerned eyes.

“Almost there Anern, don’t give up when we’ve made it this far.”

“You still have to pay us.”

“Seriously Mr. Banana?” I felt a small laugh tumble pathetically from my lips at Kleinit’s response.

“He thinks it’s funny. Plus he’s a real boy, without a Pharaoh fetish. Maybe we can be partners when this is all over, I’ll leave your monosyllabic ass in the desert dust.”

I pushed myself up into more of a sitting position, looking around in earnest. My arm was still a complete mess, but my head started to clear. We were tucked into an alcove, no guards in sight.

“We can decide later.” Kleinit pulled out the glowing container from his jacket, removing a similar, non-glowing container from his arm. He put the new battery into the old ones slot, then carefully resealed the compartment. “We still have to kill this bastard. The door looks like some thick metal. I’ll have to charge most of the power into one shot to get through. How many bullets you have left, monkey?”

“Two, but I’ll only need one. Unless there’s guards holed up with him. Then maybe we’re screwed.” Mr. Banana didn’t look up from his work on my arm. The wound was almost entirely stitched up, though my arm still looked pale and limp. “But there’s only one way to find out! Anern, ready to walk? We need you on your feet buddy.”

Nodding without words, I staggered upright. Kleinit helped support me, and we turned the corner as a trio. Before was set an excessively ornate metal door. The strange human animals from the stairs to the castle were engraved in the door, waving palm fronds over the likeness of Lord Tut. No one stood outside to stop us, and I couldn’t hear anyone coming from behind us. The final showdown had come.

“Doubt we’re lucky enough for it to be unlocked,” Kleinit said dryly. He still tried but the doors were sealed tightly. “Stand back.”

His HandyCannon began to glow blue, a ball of energy gathering at its tip. Even from feet away, I felt the heat from the tip. After about thirty seconds, the ball of energy was as large as my head. Beads of sweat poured down Kleinit’s face in rivulets as he focused keeping the power pouring into one spot without releasing it.

“Here goes!” He was forced back a few steps as it released, flying nearly as fast as a bullet into the door. The doors were forced inward, shards of metal and the stone of the frame went flying out towards us. I took a piece of the shrapnel in the shoulder, but no pain came with it. Blood seeped from the wound, but at this point I just wanted this entire thing to be over.

As the dust settled, I saw Lord Tut. He was dressed in finery, a strange looking weapon held in his shaking hands. Just ahead of where he was standing I saw two guards crushed beneath the door. He squeezed the trigger, and Kleinit spasmed and fell wordlessly, convulsing on the floor. Mr. Banana fired off a single shot, causing Lord Tut’s shoulder to be forced back and his arm sway. Blood seeped from the wound, but before Mr. Banana could get another shot off, he pulled the trigger again. Mr. Banana fell, writhing wordlessly like Kleinit.

“Just us now. And with one pull of the trigger you’ll be incapacitated. I wanted to keep my hands clean in all this, but maybe the celebration should begin with my hands covered in your blood. I think I’ll enjoy this immensely.” He looked down for a moment at his arm, swaying as he saw his bloody clothes. He pulled the trigger, and I rushed towards him, expecting darkness, but wanting to go down fighting.

Darkness didn’t come. My arm, stitched and in a sling of Mr. Banana’s devising, began to convulse of it’s own accord, but I felt nothing. My momentum carried me into Lord Tut before he could fire again. Together we collapsed into a pile, his gun sliding across the room. With my good fist I began to punch his arrogant face. Within seconds his smug smile was replaced with a look of horror soaked in blood.

His hands, weakly trying to push me off soon weakened and he went limp beneath me. Not satisfied, I grabbed a piece of rubble, making his face nearly unrecognizable as I continued beating him in one handed rage.

“You had to kill millions of people just to make yourself fucking special. I’ll happily return the favour just so I don’t have to share air with you again.” Gentle hands were pulling me off of him and I broke down sobbing, weakly trying to beat the air with the stone in my hand.

“It’s over Anern. You ended it.” Klein calmly stated to me as I continued to bawl like a child.

“Gods, how are we supposed to show people we killed him to make Anern Lord? His face is pulp.” Mr. Banana climbed over the corpse, pulling out his knife. “At least this bad boy will get some use today.” He began to saw at the neck.

“But you were shot. I saw you fall,” I managed to choke out between the sobs. “How?”

“A stupidly strong electric gun. If it wasn’t for my arm absorbing some of the charge I’d be dead. Mr. Banana’s had enough genetic alteration to withstand a fair bit more than that.” Calmly, as if he hadn’t just been nearly dead, Kleinit pulled the shrapnel from my shoulder, and put a piece of gauze to it, taping it down.

“Then how’d I not get hurt?”

“The bolt must’ve hit your injured arm. If the current didn’t go through, it means you’ll probably lose the arm it’s so badly damaged. Better than dying though.” Mr. Banana triumphantly held up the severed head of Lord Tut as he responded, handing it to me. “Shall we go meet your adoring new public?”

Weakly I followed the team down to the main entrance. The fire was mostly out, though those who were left trying to stop it didn’t look like they had any fight in them. I presented the head and they bent the knee without a second word. The coup was over, I was Lord.

“Well your Grace, shall we commence with the money you promised? I believe seventy-five million credits should be sufficient.” Mr. Banana did a slight bow, though his words were heavily sarcastic when called me by my new title.

“I guess that there’s no time like the present,” I responded with a slight smile. I motioned over a servant helping to clean up. “Where can I find money to give these people?”

“One moment sir,” he stated with more grace than I could manage in his situation. “I can go get a transfer stick. Seventy-five million credits you said?” With a single nod from me he quickly left.

I stood quietly as we waited, shifting from one foot to another as weight slowly pressed down on my shoulders with increasing weight. I didn’t want to be a Lord. I didn’t want to rule. They would never accept me, I had just murdered many of their friends, their family. The servant I had sent returned with a transfer stick, handing it to Kleinit with a small bow.

“Guess this is it kid. It’s been something else.” Kleinit squeezed my shoulder affectionally once more, eliciting a grimace of pain from me. “Sorry, forgot about that one.”

“Well I’m pretty much done my mechanic’s certificate. Do you need a mechanic?” I tried to not look as useless as I felt, with my arm hanging in a sling and blood slowly soaking through my shoulder gauze.

“Heh, actually yeah. Mr. Banana lacks the focus to finish any upgrade he starts to put into the Queen’s Crown.”

“Stick it up your ass, old man. At least I can throw a grenade right.” Mr. Banana’s indignation was clearly an attempt at affection. “But he is much better than you. C’mon your Grace, let’s head back to the ship.”

“I don’t want that nickname at all!” I protested as I followed them from the man lion castle into the moonlight.

“Too bad, I like it.” Kleinit’s laugh was happy. “Let’s get out of here, your Grace.”
The End

Lonely Goodbye

    I guess that I know what will happen next. I mean, in the movies they have moments like this. People gathered around in shocked silence while the main character has a moment of epiphany at his greatest defeat. However in movies, the character rises above and gets the girl; saves the world and redeems himself.

    Not so much for me.

    The stars have been out for a while now, but as the cold seeps into my bones, I truly see them for the first time. Those pinpricks are balls of fire and gas twice the size of our puny planet or more. And I am a mere grain of sand in this infinite universe. And now I feel it. The oppressive smallness of my life and my actions. I am truly nothing.

    So why do I feel a sense of accomplishment at my life? When I come before God, he won’t be in awe of me, he won’t say that I did something remarkable. I’ll be at his mercy, the mercy of the God who created the million pinpricks of light I’m staring at now. The million balls of fire and gas that could engulf the earth and not slow down.

    A shudder shakes me to my core, and bile rises in the back of my throat. My hands are warm and wet, holding my intestines close to my body. I know that there is no one near, no person coming to save me. I will be dead in a minute or two more. Nothing less than the power of God can save me now.

And considering the fact that I’m nothing and have done nothing, I doubt that’ll happen.

    I recollect on the girl that I will never be able to tell about the love I hold for her. Her deep blue eyes I would get lost in, the strands of straw colored hair I would run my fingers through. The feeling of her heart beating in unison with mine while we lay collapsed together after our passions had run their course. We were nothing in the river of life, but we clung to what we had and held it dear.

    If I am nothing, and when I die no one will remember me, what is my purpose? Why are we placed on this earth? Does God and his angels sit above us and mock our futile efforts to be something? Or does he curse his foolish efforts at companionship? We can’t be something he’s proud of. We’re vain, proud and foolish. Shortsighted and ignorant of the greater plan.

    Or does he regard us as a parent to a wayward child? With sorrow and a hope to be reunited with us? In that case, are we merely placed here to die and be brought together with our creator? I had heard stories of a savior, a man that was fully God at the same time. It makes no sense to me, yet it brings peace to millions of people around the world. A man who saved the human race with his selflessness, even in the face of free will.

    Now his followers shame his name, judging and hating those who are different than them. Didn’t he sit with prostitutes and dine with the outcast taxmen? Didn’t he love lepers and give sight to the blind? Didn’t he do everything against the culture of the time? A extremist of love?

    Funny how in these last few moments I wonder if everything I’ve done will please a God I’ve never thought of except in times of passing guilt. It’s getting hard to breath now, and there’s a gurgling in the back of my throat. I’m getting close to piercing the veil that separates this world and the next. It is surprisingly calming.

    We fight our whole lives to delay the inevitable. We treat our bodies like temples, ignoring relationships and loved ones in an effort to live another day. But now, I realize how foolish it is. I realize my purpose in life. It comes as a clear bolt of simplicity, and I laugh at how much we complicate things.

All we are put here for is to live with others. To love, to laugh and to hold those we hold dear. Why would we hate when those we hate are barely aware of us? Why would we fight others when tomorrow we could be called to heaven? I know it seems foolish, others will not agree and we would merely end up at the end of being hurt and hated and left alone while others try to evade death. But it is the truth I cling to as I die.

    I look around, for someone to share my revelation with, but no one is near. I am alone, and this wisdom will pass from life with me. I send my love out to those I love and wish I had told them just one more time. The stars are so beautiful. They dance in the sky as tears fill my eyes.

    This is a lonely goodbye.

Baited

“Just a nice plump virgin taking a walk in this ill lit cavern!” I called out, probably a tad too loud as I walked between the mounds of bones. It looked as if hundreds of creatures had died down here throughout the years. This was one badass dragon. The whisper spell came to life in my ear, just as I was about to call out again.    “You do realize this dragon is highly intelligent? It understands sarcasm and bait. Jesus Lilan, you’re gonna scare it away.” Captain’s guttural tone rumbled in my ear.

    “Yeah, well, I’m getting bored. Why the hell isn’t it out here? We’re literally one room away from it’s treasure. Doesn’t it have a sixth sense or something about thieves?” Without seeing him, I knew the silence indicated a strong eye roll from our grizzled leader.

    “Well, technically, it will have placed a rudimentary ward in the entrance to it’s trove, I’m sure as a last resort we can trip it to summon it.” Thompson’s dry measured voice jumped in. I imagined he was pushing up his glasses as he said it. Although Thompson was an amazing wizard, he was smug as hell.

    “That’s what I’m doing then. We’ve been down here for at least two hours without sight of tooth or scale. I wanna kill this thing, then get back to the castle for the reward. There was a damn fine maiden back there giving me bedroom eyes. I intend to accept.” Casually I turned to where the treasure had been in the map drawn up by Thompson, and crossed my fingers for some action.

    “You’re not the one killing it Lilan, you’re the bait. And we like you alive, so don’t be too much of a pig headed moron.” Sterling, our bowman, had a voice like liquid silver. Even his insults sounded sexy, so I just snorted a laugh in response.

    The cave’s ceiling drew close as I approached the treasure room, almost as if the cavern had ended at this point, only to be dug out further by the dragon. Large deep scores in the walls gave credence to my imaginings. This part of the grotto had obviously been clawed by our resident pest himself.

    I looked back one last time before going into the area, making sure that the dragon wasn’t hanging from the ceiling, waiting till I was trapped in close quarters to be able to roast me alive. I had a death wish, but I still wanted glory. Not seeing anything, I entered the area with the riches. My first sight of the room brought a curse from deep within me.

    “God damnit guys. Dragons dead.” Before me, the large red dragon lay defeated upon it’s hoard. Multitudes of cuts and punctures covered its body, black ichor flowing freely from the wounds still. “That explains the lack of adventure so far, I guess. Did they contract anyone else on this? Guild’s gonna be pissed if they did.”

    “No they said we were the first. That’s super weird. We’re coming in,” Captain stated disgruntledly. As I waited I walked up to the still monster and kicked it out of mild frustration. I hadn’t gotten to bait a dragon yet, and now I probably wouldn’t. 

    “They didn’t take the treasure at all.” I turned in time to see Thompson push up his glasses. The obvious tic made me smirk. “Was it another creature? I mean look at the marks on it. Either someone with great strength, almost magical defeated it, or something stronger.” He started flipping through a book he produced from his pack, muttering to himself as he read.

    “Nah, he smelled Lilan’s breath, and decided his own death was a better option.” Sterling smirked at me over his shoulder as he bent down to start filling his pockets with coins from the floor. “You should consider us all heroes of legend for putting up with him Cap’.”

    “You’re sure taking a legendary heroes share for doing nothing so far today.” Captain scowled at Sterling, who immediately stopped filling his pockets and stood up nonchalantly. “If it was some beast that killed it, we need to figure out what and kill it. I won’t consider this job done till then.” Sterling sighed exaggeratedly at the decree, but it made me excited. Something more deadly than a dragon, that would be incredible to bait.

    “Perhaps a Gristlemuncher Sir?” Thompson looked up from his book at the captain. “They’re known to kill dragons who nest too deeply underground.”

    “No, they don’t come anywhere near this close to the surface. If it is though, we should retreat. You don’t screw with those things.” Captain was carefully cutting through the chest area of the dragon as he responded, pulling its heart out triumphantly, and sealing it within a sheep’s gut.

    Absentmindedly, I wiped the ichor off of the dragons hind leg scales, investigating the ruby reflection of myself it gave. My reflection was much more gaunt than I remembered, and my eyes were incredibly deep set now, giving me appearance of raccoon eyes. I almost didn’t catch the small flicker of movement behind us, I was so frustrated with how far my sickness had developed.

    Spinning around, I saw the creature begin it’s fall. It’s path would land it right on top of Thompson, who would be dead in a second if caught unaware. There was no time to call out. I leapt forward, pushing Thompson out of the way. I felt the claws sink deep into my back and I cried out involuntarily.

    “Shit, Gristlemuncher!” Sterling yelled out, his bow already in his hand, as he fired two shots at its head. The creature tried to pull it’s claws from me to block, but it had snagged on my intestines somehow. It’s screams from taking two arrows to the face drowned out my own at feeling my insides forcibly rearranged. 

    Captain responded with enough speed that for a moment I doubted he didn’t see this coming. His blade cut deep into the forearm of the Gristlemuncher, but stuck in the bone. Finally pulling his claws from me, the creature batted Captain away with ease.

    “Thompson, magic now!” Captain roared as he pulled out his short blade, hammering it against his shield to try to draw the monster away. “Heal Bait second, power up Sterling first.” 

    The next two arrows blinded the Gristlemuncher, and with a screech it tried to remove them, but it’s large claws were too clumsy, and it hurt itself even more. Then, darkness for me. Blood loss is a bitch.

    I woke up to Thompson’s face hovering way to closely, muttering quietly to himself about priorities, and battlefield healing. Sitting up, I found the Gristlemuncher dead on the floor, at least a dozen arrows protruding from its head. Momentarily, my vision swam, and Thompson steadied me.

    “You should take some time. I put a spell on you that helps level out the blood amounts, but it won’t hold up to too much strain. You lost a lot of blood. Also, why didn’t you tell us you had Witch’s Heart Rot?” His eyes held concern, but I pushed him away weakly. No one else had heard him, and I didn’t want them to.

    “Listen,” I whispered to him. “It’s incurable, and I wasted most of my life before I found out I had it. I’ve got a three year old son at home, and even though he may never hear of what I did for him, I’m gonna make as much money as possible so he’s got it easy once I’m gone. The guild wouldn’t accept anyone without training, so I made up a skill so get in, make the big adventuring bucks.”

    Understanding flooded Thompson’s face and he nodded his agreement, patting me on the shoulder. He helped me rise, and I stood to see Captains approving nod, a slight smile on his face.

    “Glad to have you up again. Would be a pain in the ass to find another Bait. In fact, I don’t think there’s anyone as stupid as you out there.” Captain wrenched his longsword from the arm of the Gristlemuncher, wiping it with a cloth to ensure it was clean. “But onto business. Something obviously drove that beast from it’s lower lair, as there’s no sign of it of it having lived here. Time to go deeper, find out what’s on.”

    “Where’s my torch?” Wearily, I grabbed the torch from Sterling and stretched my shoulders. With a false sense of bravado I continued, “I’ll lead the way.”

Hell Freezes Over

    Opening the front door to a fiery set of eyes looking rather annoyed, I knew immediately why he was here. Momentarily I was shocked, today didn’t seem like anything extraordinary. However, considering the way 2016 had progressed, I should have seen it coming. Lucifer brushed the snow off his shoulders as he entered my house, continuing his sullen silence. As arrogant as he was, he never assumed that he would be back here.

    “It finally froze over hey? I’ll have to see what new ridiculous event caused this to happen.” I turned my back to the Devil, fear and excitement battling in my gut as I walked to the living room to turn on the television.

   “Nothing will be on the news yet, it happens tomorrow.” The heavy resignation in his voice surprised me. When I first ran into Satan, he had been so full of life, power and freedom. Naturally, it came with a large amount of arrogance with it, but now he seemed a shell of who he was.

    “The bet was only if Hell froze over though, why are you here?” I sat down on my couch in the living room, turning down the television and motioning for the King of Lies to sit beside me. He leaned his pitchfork against the coffee table, and sat down slowly, his mind obviously racing. Something was happening, but what?

    “You misunderstand friend, Hell is already frozen over. God froze it preemptively, setting up for the big show tomorrow.”

    “Are you implying Armageddon comes tomorrow?!” I jumped up, staring incredulously at Beelzebub. “We need to tell people! Who cares about a little wish you owe me!” In a near hysterical state, I instinctively reached for my phone to start making calls to people important to me.

    “Stop.” Abaddon put his hand on mine gently and looked at me sympathetically. “He froze Hell over because he’s switching the script. Everyone will die tomorrow, and everyone will go to Heaven. Using the amount of souls at his disposal then, he will annihilate Hell entirely. No trace of it left in the ether.”

    “That’s… not a bad thing right? I mean, everyone will be in paradise, no more suffering.” My mind didn’t want to process to size of he was saying, the sheer amount of death coming. Funny, I was fine considering Hell real, after meeting the Evil One, but Heaven had never really sank in for me as a possible reality.

    “If you want to look at it in that base of a manner, sure.” As offhand as the King of Babylon was being, I couldn’t imagine anything other than the hottest hellfire burning beneath the surface. “But the truth is, it breaks the game. Having no choice in the matter defeats the entire purpose of human history, of me. I’ve stood for free will, removing blinders from humanity and allowing them to make their own mistakes and better themselves from it. Shit, Hell is a crappy place, but you make your choices to get there. Now murderer and saint will walk down the same golden streets together.”

    There wasn’t anyway to respond to that, so I chose to sit quietly and let it all sink in. Most of me was honestly content. As long as my death wasn’t drawn out and painful, I would get to go to heaven. No questions asked. Immortally I would live in paradise. But I also got the free will part and was mildly irked that I would be forced to fight in a war against my will, for a cause I never even considered.

    “So you’re saying that tomorrow, God will destroy all of the physical realm and kill every human on earth for his plan?” Morningstar nodded at me, his mind lost to coming up with some plan to thwart his creator. “I still get my wish right?”

    “If you want, but it won’t really matter tomorrow. I can’t wish life on someone that God has decided it’s time to remove from the world. He’s my creator, I have limits.” With a sigh he leaned back into the couch, obviously giving up on a plan to outsmart God. “How about you wish for your last day to be full of hookers and blow? That’s a wish I’d stick around to enjoy with you.”

    “I wish,” I paused, making sure I got the wording right on the idea in my mind. I only had one chance at this after all. “I wish that the world could be moved to a non-physical realm, with no interruption or danger to any inhabitants, one out of the reach or interaction of the original creator.” Belial turned to me, the spark of defiance in his eye that I associated with him turned into a roaring flame. A wide, toothy grin spread across his face and struck his hand out towards me enthusiastically.

    “That’s a wish I can get behind, you conniving son of a bitch. Unrelatedly, you want a job when you die? I’ve got room in my loophole department.”