Rough Around the Edges

Desperately trying to be clever
A monkey with nothing up my sleeves
Standing on my head
Claiming I’m seeing everything fresh
That I’m revolutionary, individual.

“Come closer,” she whispers.
“Your comedy of intuition is done.”
Clamping down with iron control
Conformity smoothing out rough edges
Till I’m perfectly spherical

Staring out the window longingly
I see the lights decorate the city
As seemingly content
People mill from place to place
Their downpour on the inside

Hunting A Monster

Taking aim I put it all in the sights
Pulling trigger with determination
Heart pounding as I wait
For confirmation of the strike
Fury and hunger clawing at the edge

Between the seconds I dare
myself to stride into victory.
As I stand on the doorstep
I’m discovering myself quickly
Learning I don’t like the monster

I’ve conquered all I laid eyes on
Blood steaming on darkened soul
In twilight victory I revel
My claws burn to catch their prey
Feral, as I’ve become my hunt


I watch
You lift yourself

I wonder
If you would

I wait
For your loving

I grasp
For your strength

I lay
Wishing I could

I never
Could be you

My hand
You whisper of

My strength
But my heart

I stand
And you smile


Like a ghost I bleed through the moment
Desperate for attention I can’t handle
Momentary whisper, I pull you close
Demanding your undeserved love

Electric, your touch tears me apart
As I struggle to return, watch
From a frosted window, figures blurred
A dance of consequential relapse

Words fall hot from your mouth
Forming molten heaps on the floor
Obscurity becoming the enemy
Mouth agape as I feign understanding

And here I am, putting form before substance
A learned habit

Unable to articulate thoughts longer than a few syllables
Letting the plot fall apart within moments,
Knowing that this isn’t better, this isn’t right.

Body Language

I entered the room, my head lowered and shoulders slumped. She sat on the couch, her jaw clenched, picking at the plastic on her bottled soft drink with her thumbs rapidly. She glanced quickly in my direction, but upon seeing me turned her attention back to something out of the window, taking a deep breath, with a prolonged exhalation. I put my hands behind my back, took a breath, and rocked between my heels and toes for a few moments. She continued to pick away at the bottle, never looking at it, drinking from it, but never setting it down. Nor did she acknowledge me again.

I walked over to the window, entering her line of sight. I sighed, and began to open my mouth to explain. Before I got a word out, she lowered her brow, and looked me directly in the eyes, her eyes narrowing in the process. A single shake of her head made her message clear. I looked down to the couch, my hands in my pockets. I used my toes to make lines in the carpet while I thought. She got off of the couch and walked rapidly into the kitchen, her footfalls heavier than normal.

I followed after a few minutes later. She leaned against the island facing me, her arms crossed and chest puffed out. Her head tilted towards the left, eyes still narrowed. Her feet were splayed outward, pointing to opposite side of the room. I had to fix this. I crossed the space quickly between us, putting my hand on her shoulder. As soon as I touched her, she moved, her shoulder dipping and turning away.

I grabbed desperately at her elbow, turning her back to me. Her eyes were wide when they met mine, and her arms came up and pushed against my shoulders. I kept my grip on her elbows and leaned my head across the space between us, leaning my forehead against her. I looked deep into her eyes and raised my eyebrows, imploring her with my eyes. She looked away from the gaze, her lips pressing together tightly; a small line across her face. Her jaw was still clenched.

I gently kissed her forehead and pulled back from her. She swayed a little, looking around the room, her eyes darting back and forth, looking anywhere but me. Then she closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. Her body unwound. Shoulders slumped; head bobbed and feet turned back to me. She looked at me with weary eyes, and the corner of my mouth twitched upward and my eye brows went up briefly. She nodded and stepped forward into my arms.

I embraced her as she snuggled her head into the crook between my neck and shoulder. Her hands grabbed handfuls of my shirt and held on tight. Then a single sob shook her body. I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. Everything was going to be ok.