Wishing

I guess that I’m wishing
On hopes I hang in my heart.
I never realized when I began
That I’d find more knowledge
In a moment, not the chance.

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Brave

Awestruck
I watch
You lift yourself
Above

Staring
I wonder
If you would
Remain

Brave
I wait
For your loving
Embrace

Falling
I grasp
For your strength
Missing

Fallen
I lay
Wishing I could
Rise

Knowing
I never
Could be you
Alone

Taking
My hand
You whisper of
Bravery

Not
My strength
But my heart
Beating

Slowly
I stand
And you smile
Broadly

Ghost

Like a ghost I bleed through the moment
Desperate for attention I can’t handle
Momentary whisper, I pull you close
Demanding your undeserved love

Electric, your touch tears me apart
As I struggle to return, watch
From a frosted window, figures blurred
A dance of consequential relapse

Words fall hot from your mouth
Forming molten heaps on the floor
Obscurity becoming the enemy
Mouth agape as I feign understanding

And here I am, putting form before substance
A learned habit

Unable to articulate thoughts longer than a few syllables
Letting the plot fall apart within moments,
Knowing that this isn’t better, this isn’t right.

Body Language

I entered the room, my head lowered and shoulders slumped. She sat on the couch, her jaw clenched, picking at the plastic on her bottled soft drink with her thumbs rapidly. She glanced quickly in my direction, but upon seeing me turned her attention back to something out of the window, taking a deep breath, with a prolonged exhalation. I put my hands behind my back, took a breath, and rocked between my heels and toes for a few moments. She continued to pick away at the bottle, never looking at it, drinking from it, but never setting it down. Nor did she acknowledge me again.

I walked over to the window, entering her line of sight. I sighed, and began to open my mouth to explain. Before I got a word out, she lowered her brow, and looked me directly in the eyes, her eyes narrowing in the process. A single shake of her head made her message clear. I looked down to the couch, my hands in my pockets. I used my toes to make lines in the carpet while I thought. She got off of the couch and walked rapidly into the kitchen, her footfalls heavier than normal.

I followed after a few minutes later. She leaned against the island facing me, her arms crossed and chest puffed out. Her head tilted towards the left, eyes still narrowed. Her feet were splayed outward, pointing to opposite side of the room. I had to fix this. I crossed the space quickly between us, putting my hand on her shoulder. As soon as I touched her, she moved, her shoulder dipping and turning away.

I grabbed desperately at her elbow, turning her back to me. Her eyes were wide when they met mine, and her arms came up and pushed against my shoulders. I kept my grip on her elbows and leaned my head across the space between us, leaning my forehead against her. I looked deep into her eyes and raised my eyebrows, imploring her with my eyes. She looked away from the gaze, her lips pressing together tightly; a small line across her face. Her jaw was still clenched.

I gently kissed her forehead and pulled back from her. She swayed a little, looking around the room, her eyes darting back and forth, looking anywhere but me. Then she closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. Her body unwound. Shoulders slumped; head bobbed and feet turned back to me. She looked at me with weary eyes, and the corner of my mouth twitched upward and my eye brows went up briefly. She nodded and stepped forward into my arms.

I embraced her as she snuggled her head into the crook between my neck and shoulder. Her hands grabbed handfuls of my shirt and held on tight. Then a single sob shook her body. I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. Everything was going to be ok.

Small Talk

Today my eyes were opened wideI took it all and I bled inside.
Your hands seemed to push me down

I’ll step back and look around, look around
Feeling strong for a moment
Then the walls break and water rises.

(Singular, and multiple, the bakers dozen.
Nonsense dipped in no cents, 
dime a dozen words put on top. 
Sprinkle on conformity and you have
Small talk.

Poetic, disconnected, eccentric and
Passive. Innocent, heaven sent, massive.
Cardiac arrest smile, let your fangs sink deep.
Peaches and cream eyes, depths with your
Death in the overhang.)

So give me your hand
I will draw you out like
Wire through it’s length.
No faster, no slower,
No movement but it’s own.

Yours to keep, and mine to weep
Is innocence and poise.

Mourning After

It rained

  As we walked

  Slowly beside 

  The casket

Shoulders burning

  With weight

  Of regret and

  Dead promises

As the shovel

  Sprinkled 

  Filth over a

  Good life

I lowered

  My eyes to

  Hide from tears

  On your cheeks

We spoke

  In hushed tones

  As if respect

  Came quietly

Going our

  Separate ways

  Believing

  Time heals

Laughing

  At the hope

  It carried

  Close to its chest